295 IT’S A DOGS LIFE295 IT’S A DOGS LIFE [Translated from the original passed to me by an interpreter from Battersea]God why is it humans think we dogs always want the same old dog food, day after day, after bloody day… He`s worse, she at least occasionally shoves some of his lousy cooking under my nose its lousy, but it makes a change.My name by the way is Montmorency Major the third, he refers to me as Monty I of course but I am a hybrid Irish wolf hound from a long line of stud dogs, though granddad did have the snip eventually, but we don’t talk about him much nowadays, had an affair with a spaniel don’t you know, that prompted his …Erm… operation, shall we say. Anyway, what am I doing on Hamster? You can well ask! Well I thought I would tell you a bit about last week`s little escapade, it`s my mistress you see; she`s the upright one with the big tits and the soft hands, face like a smacked arse, you remember, got pissed at the mayors party… Well she has been jogging in the park with me, every bloody morning for weeks now, every mornings the same, it`s “come on Monty keep me company,” like I had a choice with a bleeding great chain round my neck!And it`s piddling down most mornings too, splashing along till we get to the old bandstand like a couple of ruddy 2year tuzla escort olds… only jogs in the mornings because he goes to work early and don’t know what she is up to and she has the hot`s for lulu`s owner, posh sod he is, has flies on his joggers, so he can put it away quickly if the park keeper comes around! Thinks I don’t knowIt`s all so she can meet the little shit and he`s got a poodle I ask you French flighty piece she is…a bloody poodle! And a stuck up little piece she is too! Only barks in French, won`t stand still for me to mount her either, frightened I will get mud on her pretty white coat, Lulu her name is, a real snobby bitch, thinks I am a bit of rough! The mistress gets a bit though, every day he gives her one, comes like a waterfall he does, has to wash her joggers each day when we get home it`s that bad, one day she will get caught, you mark my words…Never mind what I want, and you know me, I hate sharing a bitch especially her the mistress, and with humans, it`s so degrading, but there I don’t have a choice do I.She enjoys a bit of a tumble with me now and then though, and at least it keeps my balls from turning blue, she don’t think her old man knows about her “morning run”, what of course she don`t know is that he does the same thing with a lady jogger each tuzla escort bayan evening then jogs to the pub and I spend the evening under his chair in the saloon bar, while he and his cronies feed me crisps before we ‘jog’… home, well I jog, but he staggers, that`s if the little ginger barmaid ain`t on of course, then it`s out in the yard at the back, me tied to the fence and he cops for a knee trembler, and I`m sure he pays her too.I will give him a shock soon, cos` that fence is getting a bit shaky, and if that tasty stray comes past again waving her tail then I`m going to hang a tail on her she won`t forget, that shaky old fence will be down, and I shall be up and mounted, and I will be going to be a dad again I can tell you! The silly bitch won`t outrun me…. and if that fence collapses he will get a shock too as the boxes that barmaid leans against, are only kept in place by that shaky old fence, if it collapses and don`t get him in deep, nothing ever will! I want to see him explain to her indoors why his stride`s is all muddy! And Ginger ain`t gonnah` be happy either, her old mans the landlord and he will have a bit to say you can bet!Not that her indoors is any better, they still do it together now and then, him and her, he even got her a stool built for her escort tuzla to be held on with straps while he gets me up to screw her, as he likes to have her afterwards, likes the heat of my seed in her slot, he`s got no bloody idea no self-respecting dog would do that! Personally, I find her hard work as she is keen to have me time and again, and she don’t deserve it as she feeds me the crap that he has cooked, as I said, a dog could die from the rubbish he serves up believe me, he could burn water that one!Anyway he goes and lends me out to his workmate for the weekend and I suppose the cheeky git, he got a few bob farming me out, the friend has no idea about looking after a dog like me, and his misses!…rough!…, curses like a trouper when she got her on her hands and knees for me, hasn’t got the brains to weare something to keep my paws off her body and tits, the dozy bitch, I did scratch her a bit the big old bag…and then didn’t expect the knot! 15 minute’s we were stuck together, and she screamed like a stuck pig, hated it the whole time and me with sensitive hearing. Got fed up in the end with her noise and snatched it out with one big tug; that made her eyes water I can tell you.Had a lick or two at her daughter on the quiet though, nice little thing fed me biscuit’s, I liked her, she was tasty, and the biscuits too.Anyway, that was my week how was yours? Oh hell here we go again, off to the pub… oops, sorry, I mean ‘Daddy`s taking Monty off for a lovely jog’… again!!!.