Latex HoodI had to write this to fully acknowledge where I’m standing now.I have been in this lifestyle for many years now and I have been aroused by wearing many different types of lingerie and sexy attires.After years of crossdressing with regular stockings as a teen, my first fetish obsession was with fishnets. Putting them on set me in such a sexual mood! Then it was the full bodystocking. Since these early years, I think I’ve worn pretty much any kind of sexy outfit: the maid, the student, the nurse, the cheerleader, the secretary. I’ve tried corsets, garter belts, seamed stockings, spandex unitard bodysuit, high heels, thigh high boots and latex stockings/gloves/skirt and top (there’s this first gangbang video I made a few years ago in this full latex outfit that many of you have enjoyed here on Xhamster or elsewhere).Putting these things on for the first time was a real sexual thrill, but it later on fell into a routine, so I looked for something more, something different. I started wearing fake breasts, choker necklaces, Queen of Spade temporary tattoos, even anklets with “BBC slut” and stuff like that. Huge turn on at first, then it became also a routine.Sexually, I have traveled a long road to total defilement. I started many years ago by blowing a guy with a condom in an adult bookstore in New York! It was the first barrier I crossed and I kept repeating myself “you’re not gay, you’re just bi-curious and have a crossdressing fetish.” Then I got fucked by a total stranger whom I met through Craigslist when it still allowed personal ads. It was a bit painful, not that pleasant but I kept doing it again and again, I guess because the feeling of being submissive was arousing enough to rise above the pain of anal penetration. Besides, right from the start, it was all about big black cocks: I liked the color contrast, I was fascinated by the interracial düzce escort porn I discovered online, and later on, a twisted and perverse element was added: I wanted to redeem the white race for the years of black slavery, and contribute to some kind of white submission to blacks and to a new world order. Next step: I removed the condoms for oral sex and tasted real cocks and not this stupid rubber, but I kept the condoms for anal. Discovering poppers and hypno videos, I started feeling more pleasure from anal and got a few orgasms by fucking myself with my dildos. As a few of you might know by reading my other entries, I was fantasizing about swallowing cum but never got the courage to do it until a black stranger “forced” me to swallow his load in a motel room by the local airport, and I got one of my biggest orgasms by being forced. I did threesomes and gangbangs and one day, I developed this craving for anal breeding. I needed to feel cum shooting deep in me. I removed the condom for anal with a guy I trusted and who got tested regularly. Once again, I reached a huge orgasm by transgressing this taboo, passing this new threshold, vanquishing this additional inhibition. I’ve repeated this countless times with poppers, alcohol and even occasional cocaine, going further down the rabbit hole, swallowing this manly essence or absorbing it anally.Now time is passing by, I’m not getting any younger and I hope to find the strength to stop all this before I can’t convince anyone anymore as a decent looking crossdresser. I still have a few years to go probably but I wanted to quit ahead of time to move on with other things in my life. A recent gangbang with five guys felt so good (you saw the pictures), I realized how difficult it would be to renounce BBC. Lately, I didn’t feel much sexual thrill dressing up and getting prepared, but the feeling of having all these escort düzce cocks against my face was unbelievable and all worth it. That was my 7th gangbang I believe and I cannot wait for the next one at the end of November.I just got on Prep with Truvada so I can fuck raw without major risk of getting HIV. I still ask guys for recent tests though and try to “evaluate” my partners (married ones or in the military so getting tested regularly are definitely safer). I still use condoms with the others. I experienced double anal penetration with condom and would love to feel two raw cocks shooting simultaneously in my ass, while a third one is emptying itself in my throat (and why not a few others wanking and spurting on my face). I’m so clean when I do this (I usually fast a few days before and do a thorough enema) that I have no problem sucking cocks which were in my ass. I don’t seem to have any barrier anymore.The big excitement which is the reason for the title of this journal entry is my sudden interest for putting on a latex hood for my next gangbang. In the last few years, I have kept perfecting my make-up but decided to stop wearing fake breasts. First of all, these things are a bit silly and falling off when rough fucking occurs, but secondarily, I realized that it was more humiliating to appear as a submissive crossdresser than a convincing transsexual someone might mistake for a real woman (a “trap”), which is usually the goal for many of us. Instead, conserving a bit of boyish element to my appearance (a flat chest for example) would make the humiliation more significant. Being the proper bourgeois boy who is dressing up as a sissy and begging superior blacks to take control is indeed very hot, maybe hotter than just being a regular girl acting like a whore. The corset and choker were already steps toward some kind of total submission, but adding düzce escort bayan a latex hood was a new fetish I wanted to explore.The latex hood dehumanizes the person who wears it. A woman is not a woman anymore, a trans is not a trans anymore: the “being” becomes entirely a sex object, a sex slave, a sheath for any cock needing release. I know a lot of guys love to see my face but this latex hood is denying even my identity as Vanessa. With it, I am not even her anymore; I am just a body, some kind of gimp. I feel like I am finishing a psychological trip and reaching my final destination as a whore for black cock. What I once considered sexual exploration, a fascination for color contrast and big manly penises, turned into a deep love for these cocks and even for the men behind them. I have started kissing these men for a while now. I don’t give a shit if I’m gay, trans, bi or whatever, I just want to be fucked. I love these men to release their anger, their frustration, have their social revenge on my tight little hole, welcoming them lovingly within me. Yes, giving them love in exchange of all the rage and hatred they might feel against my race. Big, angry and very hard black cocks ravaging my little white ass and me blowing them kisses until they kiss me back.Soon, I’ll be welcoming these few guys (hopefully 6 or more) in my hotel room. I’ll be wearing my sandals, nylons, a very tight corset, my choker and this latex hood. They’ll only see my red lips and my big blue eyes with mascara. One of them is bringing a leash to hook on my choker. Angry hip hop will be blasting in the background. I’ll spurt a little bit of cocaine mixed with water deep in my ass and sniff a bit more, I’ll keep some fresh poppers handy, they’ll call me names like fag, sissy, little bitch, “we’re going to fuck your brains out,” and so on, I’ll get on my knees, and I’ll be entering some kind of paradise of absolute depravation. The final destination of what I was always meant to be finally reached.UPDATE: The “gangbang” was yesterday. 10 guys invited, only 1 showed up later. I’m so fed up with all of this.